Whitesnake!

Alright... so Whitesnake is playin in the background.. now I know this isn't the coolest, most Hip-Hop head thing to be listenin to, but understand that variety keeps you balanced and 80's hairbands have a lot more to offer than just tightpants and aquanet.
SO if you aren't familiar with the tune, Here I Go Again.. maybe you should be because it's becoming my anthem. I never really labeled myself as the relationship type, in fact the whole idea of relying on someone else solely for your own happiness scares the shit out of me and makes me wanna throw up a little. I've always been the independent ever since I reached a point in my life where I realized that I relied on everyone else to take care of my happiness, my sanity and pretty much my well being. I gave it up and since then pretty much avoided retreating back to really NEEDING other people to take care of me. I can find contentment in a quiet room with just myself and my thoughts to soothe me, but lately I've found myself wanting more.
I let him in just a little bit. I grabbed a hold of his hand hoping that he wouldn't pull away because I was finally ready to let someone else guide me, to allow someone else the control and that was soooo freaking difficult for me. But it had to be done. And now.. well who the fuck knows and communication is non existent, and I don't know how to say it doesn't have to be serious, but I can't promise him he won't fall in love with me.
No person should ever have to convince someone else to be with them. I know past relationships and bullshit can make it more than difficult to open yourself up again to that possible pain, but jumping straight into a freezing cold pool is a lot easier than taking it one toe at a time... and I'm not asking to be made the girlfriend, to meet his family or even see his place... all I want is simply some time with him to figure out how strong the butterflies can really be and if it's really all worth these late nights wondering if I'm capable of allowing someone else to lead me. I'm ready to give up the control just a little... maybe for a minute.