Bi Polar Love Affair

This should have been a love poem,
but most days I despise you.
Hate the way you say my name
like our skin is carbon paper
imprinting futures promised
as your fingers traced forever on my spine,
but I could never quite read you.
Waited patiently for watercolors
to wash through wasted skies
in hopes we could hear God inhaling
together at window sill
waiting for the new dawn to begin.
I can't stand you.
Hate the way we made love like
somehow the good in me would transfer to you
this osmosis of hope would seep
into your battle wounds
finally making you whole again,
but instead I inherited this quake in my lungs
shaking under blackened skies
where we used to hold stars in our fingertips
when they'd fall.
You hated the way I wanted to be held,
but plead with me to squeeze tighter.
praying mantis love, baby trust me.
I'm not like the other guys, baby love me
I get this fire in my lungs sometims, baby save me.
broken open moon crystals
pressing hope into chests
stardust kisses and barebellied laughs
young love warm hearts curved hips
bent backwards to be beneath you
hollowed myself like honeydew
hot summer tongues
quenched in watermelon kisses
cracked open heart like pomegranate
I hate you...
I hate you..

Baby, never let me go.
Love me like meteorshowers in daylight
love me like frost bite in summer time
love me like lightening bugs at Christmas
You used to watch thunderstorms from your window
I say fuck that
go stand in the middle of one
get your face wet
feel the crash of the thunder in your ribcage
hold yur fingers to the sky
catch lightening on your tongue
get your soul wet
pray for sunsets
do anything
just so you feel it
feel alive for one breath
do anything
make a move
speak nonsense
tiger lily lip crushed silence
feel the static in your chest
are we done yet?
I can't stand you
want to scrape the skin from my bones
to be rid of you
make the stars mine
hold your palms out
plant forever in them
love me galaxies
I fucking hate you
Love me timeless
Love me grandfather clocks
love me tree trunks
just love me
Sunshine makes your skin crawl
keep the day out
shut the shades tight
lay in bed all day
just let me love you
let me save you
I called to check in on you
You said you didn't feel well
you were going to take a nap
something in my stomach sunk
a bowling ball of intuition
I didn't believe you
50 pills later
a stomach full of charcoal
almost successful at something
woke up day after regretting the air in your lungs
the heaviness in your chest
hating me for loving you so selflessly
I hold a hope that is audible,
do you hear it?
a pounding in my chest
love me lifeless
love me hopeful
love me anything
love yourself more
I hate you
just love me lifetimes

Rooted

Rooted
Weeping willow women
our branches are breaking
from the burden of this waiting
we crack knuckles like ice trays
our panic mimics heart failure
and how poetic it is to break this way
we hold hope in caverns where bones sleep
eyes weak heavy from the weight of water
we are standing in an ocean of oysters shucked of our pearls
we are waiting for the sand to creep in again
to create for you diamonds
because sometimes we are unpredictable
gypsies let us be your fortress
futures told in palm readings
we are hand holders
weeping willow women
stretch out your branches
we are tree trunk sturdy
clothed in this bark of betrayal
sometimes sitting silently in autumn mornings
makes us regret our roots
we are birthed in apologies
like this barbed wire in our throats
we have wilted
we are waiting
for anything
to hold us open like water lilies
unfolding lightening
the way hands do
open to you
waiting
we are waiting for the static in our chests
to turn to butterflies again
waiting for the lightening bugs in bellies
to set souls on fire
waiting for our insides to not feel
like abandoned building
shearing the echoes of heartbeats in drum through our ribcages
we are not broken open
we are holding ourselves together
the way bark does
wrap your branches around you tightly wait for the storm to pass
my weeping willow women lift your heads up
caught in this torrential downpour daily
let the thunder be your voice
speak clearly with all your anger and abandon
drumming birthed beats breaking mountains
we are breaking moon chunks
to build rivers in veins again
shove your roots back into the earth
steady yourself and wait
We are the moon,
the tide, the sun that rises
we are givers, lovers, thinkers, mothers
we scrape the marrow from our bones
to give strength to others
and ask nothing in return
we return to the pasts that did not break us yet
we break, we heal
we hold oceans in our skin
grow forests from our limbs
we are dream catchers, wind dancers, creators
weeping women ripping branches
from our bodies planting willow in the earth
whole trees can grow from us
every time we break we give birth to ourselves
again and again and again
never the same always stronger the scars on our trunks
map out our pasts like tree rings
how long has it been
since the last time you broke?