Whitesnake!

Alright... so Whitesnake is playin in the background.. now I know this isn't the coolest, most Hip-Hop head thing to be listenin to, but understand that variety keeps you balanced and 80's hairbands have a lot more to offer than just tightpants and aquanet.
SO if you aren't familiar with the tune, Here I Go Again.. maybe you should be because it's becoming my anthem. I never really labeled myself as the relationship type, in fact the whole idea of relying on someone else solely for your own happiness scares the shit out of me and makes me wanna throw up a little. I've always been the independent ever since I reached a point in my life where I realized that I relied on everyone else to take care of my happiness, my sanity and pretty much my well being. I gave it up and since then pretty much avoided retreating back to really NEEDING other people to take care of me. I can find contentment in a quiet room with just myself and my thoughts to soothe me, but lately I've found myself wanting more.
I let him in just a little bit. I grabbed a hold of his hand hoping that he wouldn't pull away because I was finally ready to let someone else guide me, to allow someone else the control and that was soooo freaking difficult for me. But it had to be done. And now.. well who the fuck knows and communication is non existent, and I don't know how to say it doesn't have to be serious, but I can't promise him he won't fall in love with me.
No person should ever have to convince someone else to be with them. I know past relationships and bullshit can make it more than difficult to open yourself up again to that possible pain, but jumping straight into a freezing cold pool is a lot easier than taking it one toe at a time... and I'm not asking to be made the girlfriend, to meet his family or even see his place... all I want is simply some time with him to figure out how strong the butterflies can really be and if it's really all worth these late nights wondering if I'm capable of allowing someone else to lead me. I'm ready to give up the control just a little... maybe for a minute.

The Closeness of Souls... A Distance Thing

A conversation with a dude I haven't talked to in some time now brought me to thinking a little...
can physical distance between people create space between souls?
I'm not sure.
I can only hope that,
for love's sake,
being beside someone doesn't only reside in proximity
because the closeness of heartbeats
shouldn't determine the strength of the pulse
and if merely hearing their voice can make your stomach do somersaults
then you should be able to fall in love with the soundwaves
and vibrations of their vocal chords.

I've never done the long distance relationship thing,
but I have loved someone in heaven,
so maybe I can sympathize with the way
he's scared of the distance between heartbreats now
nervous that the foundation of emotions
is not strong enough to hold the weight of empty space between fingertips.

so I had to reassure him that love is an out of body experience
that the closeness of bodies can't measure the space between
a love that people look at and compare their own lives to.
Distance doesn't make the heart grow stronger
it can only validate the feelings
that you've already spent late nights and early mornings fixated on.
And there is no doubt that it will be difficult
but a love affair with the mind doesn't need skin on skin to confirm,
although a kiss can speak a thousand words, I'd rather hear it in heartbeats.

So, my friend, I say to you this...
let your heart beat loud enough
that she can hear it echoing through late nights studying,
let her voice make your stomach turn taradactles flapping to be free,
fall in love with the sound of her breath
and be thankful that together your lives are more perfect than apart.

She's been working on a new project for nine months now
she's had the assignment since her womb became sturdy enough to hold life
My sister a mother to be made out of a woman who once was more a tom boy than my older brother
but she's been working on this new project and it's almost just about done
Her ribs shifted pelvis lifted to make room in her womb for this little life
stretch marks cover the globe of her belly mapping out each adventure and heartache to soon take its course setting sail in ambiotic fluids this arch carrying two beginnings to make one love and his name will be Noah
hands too small to hold onto a heart to new to hurt it's a beautiful thing to be unused, unabused, unknowing of what this world can do
sleeping sound for first dreams unable to hold a nightmare because his world has yet to build him one
These nine months of waiting, planning and debating whether the timing was right wondering if he'll sleep well at night praying his choices will be right and he hasn't even taken his first breath yet
hoping his first air filled lungs will be scented with lilac and promise and I vow to him this if you love with your heart wide open you will never be let down
and Im not saying you will never be hurt because these possibilities I cannot protect you from but I am merely saying that this feeling of needing other people to better your days should never cease and it's not being dependent it's just knowing that a smile shared between two is better than the silence of never hearing I love you

The Breath of a Kiss

The stars exhaled tonight as they kissed the moon

there is something to be said about the breath shared in a kiss

no explanation or blame can come of this gravational pull of worlds bridging gaps with lips

like somehow the fire inside a star could spark the moon ablaze

changing the days light to be infinite so you could forever be illuminated in your eternal longing to shine

and I didnt mean to reference you as the moon

but you orbit around my thoughts in 24 hour cycles

eclipsing my day for a good portion right before the gray lifts and the sun wakes to see morning

It's funny how the moon changes daily in size

giving off whatever it can to light the skies

but loses its power as the days go by

so it gives away all it can before morning light

You are the moon's reflection- selfless

and I the stars eager to collect whatever you are willing to give me

and the breath shared in cosmic kisses turns darkened galaxies

to midsummers mornings

never a star in the sky because my

inferno of affection awakens the suns eyes too soon

I held onto night with two hands to keep you from leaving

we walked Orions belt until casseopia lit our lips to find eachother

weaving between constellations like continents

trying to keep feet on solid stardust

but the breath exchanged in our kiss made me leap for the moons embrace

once again

a night like tonight

where the stars were still breathing