Shades of Blissful Ignorance

So I was listening to Daddy Yankee today and I realized something pretty profound... this is why I love Reggaton- because unlike the other bullshit they have been playin on the radio I can't tell specifically while listenin whether or not I should throw up. The crap about shakin my laughy taffy or my salt shaker or any other phrase they can think of for pieces I don't want people starin at, or havin someon whisper to me- so be it the beats are tight- but do I really wanna move it to someone who's tellin me they're gonna and I quote "beat that pussy up"?!!! Not so much.. so I find that in this case ingnorance is blissful... I don't speak fluent spanish.. I dont even really speak spanish not so fluently so when a ridiculous beat starts pumpin and I can't at that moment decipher what is being said to me.. it allows me to enjoy it just a bit more- is that so wrong? I can think of so many reasons why it is-- I mean who knows it could simply be the spanish way to beat it up BUT it sounds much sexier when its comin from a latin man's mouth! Maybe I should enroll myself in some spanish classes?!

Not yet sunset

It's not yet sunset and I've found myself traveling backwards lately. Maybe it's necessary to really be able to focus on what's to come. It seems I have left these places behind me but have kept them in the palm of my hand so my arm is flailing behind me hoping to regrasp what it is that made me so incredibly happy during those times. I've figured out what element is always present in my happiness and it's not money or the stuff or the place- it's the people. I've always been one to form bonds with people pretty easily. I'm thankful that the few places I've gone in my life so far have left me with amazing memories, but is that enough to live on? I graduated this past May from New Paltz where I found a family that I absolutely adore and they came to me in every form possible- some poets, some preachers, some badasses, some incredibly sweet but all very true to who they are and there need for human contact. Not too long ago I took a trip through the area I used to go to school.. my first college.. my little highschool that was small enough to never get lost and big enough to hold my heart. The people I met there will forever be kept and I wonder how it all happened. A few classes here and there, lunch outside next to the sack circle, takin rides with phenomenal people to the falls listenin to Biggie and Sublime and just enjoying eachothers company. And it's funny how much you realize the impact when those elements are taken away. And it's sad to think that it takes losing someone you love to really want to be able to tell everyone how much they mean to you... I'm sure if you mean anything to me you've felt it, but maybe not... maybe I should just take the time out to make those phonecalls that go undialed, to really try and keep those connections that have gone out of service?? Who knows... maybe it's all just because I went back to New Paltz a saw a few people I used to be close with, definitely didn't see all of them but those I shared a few breaths with, a few laughs.. well it made me realize a few things. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... if you're surrounded by people who make you feel your true worth, hold onto them because there are people just waiting to demean you and make you feel worthless. It's not about the number of breaths you take- it's about the moments that take your breath away and those people who leave you breathless.

Sunrise

She’s always been one to see the rainbow after the storm. She sees sunrise in the love he’s tattooed beneath her right eye feels the warmth of his soul rising over her left shoulder smeared with azure and lavender hues eclipsing her left breast and she stays because his love is like the sunrise. The beginning of something new she has never felt before. The rays of his affection color her body from head to toe inside and out she has never felt a feeling so deep for another human being and he promised it wouldn’t happen again. But she loved him and stayed still to please him never standing tall beside him to avoid him feeling small inside her she kept her lips pressed pleasantly in passion pink lipstick his favorite and the sunset every evening. The mornings fragrant with hazelnut and caffeine clean cotton and listerine she approaches every day anew bridging gaps of perfection she bought a picket fence last summer because somehow she thought the white accented the moon and as evening falls she sits silently admiring the sunrise painted upon her skin tomorrow she’ll try not to make him mad again and with every inhale she brings the moon closer to her because in darkness he is still sleeping in clean cotton passing out in fumes of frustration and failure he still sleeps sound and she mimics the moons motions wanting to draw out the darkness because in daytime all she sees is this rainbow of reasons why she should leave him she wishes she were stronger but she can’t make herself move stuck in this cycle of promise and passion never feeling beautiful before him he hasn’t always been this cold but she has always been the one to see the rainbow after the storm to notice the beautiful beckoning of the lightning during rainfall the sound of thunder soothes her because in silence she has a moment to sort through the reasons she should leave. She keeps a suitcase hidden in the closet packed with her belongings to be prepared for the next time he brings morning to her pale skin opening the door every evening thinking today was just a bad day and tomorrow he’ll keep his word. He hasn’t struck the kids yet and maybe it’s just her she tends to ask too many questions ask for too much affection dreamt often of perfection and married the first man that told her she was beautiful. She was in love with his intensity he was always the life of the party he’d put his hand of the small of her back parading her around like beauty embellished by his broad shoulders, she looked better beside him he used to make her smile and sometimes he still does so she can appreciate this kaleidoscopic of colors doesn’t need a reminder of how she could do better because she’s always been one to see the rainbow after the storm to see sunrise in her scars and he still calls her beautiful.